37 Sarcasm Jokes To Calmly Shut The Mouth Of Others In A Show How Much You Are Annoyed | Mildly Funny And Sarcastic Collection Of Jokes And Joke Books

37 Sarcasm Jokes To Calmly Shut The Mouth Of Others In A Show How Much You Are Annoyed.

Mildly Funny And Sarcastic Collection Of Jokes And Joke Books

37 sarcasm jokes to

37 Sarcasm jokes to calmly shut people who annoy you. Where words can weaponize your attack, Sarcasm makes your weapons even sharp. Carefully chosen sarcastic words are stronger and can prove potent over 1000 other useless words. We hear sarcasm, the word itself, many times in our life but till today the gift of being sarcastic lies only with scholars and pundits.

It is not easy for anyone to find the choice of words that can be sarcastically juicy and work effectively in the situation your are in. Rather than becoming angry and using expletives, mildly sarcastic words can land deadly punches to your opponent sure enough to make their defense worthless.

As explained by Wikipedia, Sarcasm is “a sharp, bitter, or cutting expression or remark. The Taunts if used effectively can even work within your family on occasions to diffuse tense situation between husband and wife, guide the kids drifting on wrong path. Whereas anger can lead to unforgettable scars and unsustainable relationship.

The person who likes sarcasm and knows how to use it, can maintain his cool while enjoying the frustration his remarks cause on opponent. It’s like “never wrestle a ping in the mud, while you may be fighting, the pig is actually enjoying war in the mud”

 

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Remember when I asked for your opinion? Yeah me neither.

There’s someone for everyone. And the person for you is a physiatrist.

You know that little voice inside your head that keeps you from saying things you shouldn’t? Yeah, I don’t have that.

 

I wish more people were fluent in silence.

37 sarcasm jokes to

 

Controlling my tongue is no problem. It’s my face that needs deliverance.

Some people are a human version of a migraine.

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or won’t text me back.

It’s nearly time for my Psychotic Break.

Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

Good judgment comes from experience. And experience? Well, that comes from poor judgment.

I’m definitely a morning person but often choose to sleep straight through it.

You’re the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo.

Excuse me, which level of hell is this?

You know what I like about people? Their dogs.

Come here you big, beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we’re going to get done today.

Sometimes I wish I could get a refund on the time I have invested on people that weren’t worth it.

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

I hate it when I think I’m buying organic vegetables but when I get home, I discover they’re just regular donuts.

I am the friend you have to explain to your other friends before they meet me.

Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

The collection of 37 sarcastic jokes will be sufficient enough to fill your arsenal so next time when you are waging a war of words, your choice of weapons will be more lethal.

If you are cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?

I always say “Morning” Instead of “Good Morning” Because if it was a good morning, I would still be in bed and not talking to people.

When I’m feeling down and someone says “suck it up”, I get the urge to break their legs and say, “walk it off”.

People who reply to my sarcasm with sarcasm are my favorite.

Deja Poo. The feeling that you’ve heard this crap before.

You are the result of 4 billion years of evolution. So act like it.

Life is a soup and I’m a freaking fork.

I’m sorry, I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.

 

In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

My decision-making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.

Mom: What did you learn in school today sweetheart? Me: Obviously not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.

My soulmate is out there somewhere, pushing a pull door. I just know it.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

If Mary had baby Jesus, and Jesus is the Lamb of God…. Then Mary really did have a little lamb.

As you see mildly becoming sarcastic can sometimes bring humor too. Sarcastic jokes listed above is a classic example of enjoying the fun of becoming sarcastic. Use sarcasm as your best defense.

37 sarcasm jokes to

There is another way to find the fun in any situation, that way is called ‘Observation’. Simple observations can lead to laughter and we call that category as observation based jokes.

For instance, “”Strap-on” spelled backwards is “no parts.”

 

Simple observation that has resulted in creating joke. Don’t worry, we will not stop at just one example, but we have 1000s of those. If you are interested in what jokes through observation means, continue reading.

When I tell someone to remind me to do something, it’s not so I can actually remember. It’s so I can shift the blame to them when I inevitably forget.

 

“My entire life has led up to this moment” is always true.

We should have a holiday called Space Day, where lights are to be shut off for at least an hour at night to reduce light pollution, so we can see the galaxy.

Trying to get rich by playing the lottery is like trying to commit suicide by flying on commercial airlines.

The word “Anna” shifted down the alphabet one letter becomes “boob.”

I wonder how many times I’ve walked past or come into contact with a murderer.

37 sarcasm jokes to enjoy

 

The reason “cheaters never win” is because the cheaters that did win didn’t get caught.

When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

If garbage companies didn’t exist, and people had to take their own garbage to a nearby garbage dump on their own time, people would waste a lot less.

There is one day every year, where we unknowingly pass the anniversary of the day the dinosaurs were wiped out by an asteroid.

Technically speaking, wouldn’t your best friend be your worst enemy?

When Sweden is playing Denmark, it is SWE-DEN. The remaining letters, not used, is DEN-MARK.

Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you.

Nothing is on fire, fire is on things.

If I’m lucky, my internal organs will never see the light of day.

My right elbow has never been touched by my right hand.

We rescue homeless animals and shun homeless people.

When you “bite down” on something, you’re actually “biting up” because you can’t move your top jaw.

When jogging, we put on special clothes so people don’t think we are running from or to something.

The internet has made me very well versed and knowledgeable about a great many things, most of which are utterly useless.

If I were a serial killer I would call myself “the suspense” so that the suspense would literally be killing people.

I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.

I feel like my body is in an abusive relationship with my habits.

Every day, someone on Earth unknowingly does the biggest poo in the world for that day.

“Arms” is another word for guns, and “guns” is another word for arms.

Most people can eat the same breakfast weeks in a row, without complaint. But the same dinner for weeks? Now, that’s just insanity.

Why do people say “tuna fish” when they don’t say “beef mammal” or “chicken bird”?

I should ask my barber where he gets his hair cut, then go there and slowly make my way up the chain until I find THE GREATEST BARBER IN THE WORLD…or perhaps just a bald dude.

Wake up earlier on weekends. Now you get to sleep in for 5 days a week instead of two.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate that mother nature not only pre-sliced but also pre-wrapped oranges.

Instead of all the prequel and sequel movies coming out, they should start making equels – films shot in the same time period as the original film, but from an entirely different perspective.

The share button on reddit should say ‘Spreddit’.

 

I would be much more motivated to work out if I saw an after picture of myself

If a genie grants you 3 wishes, your first one should be, “I wish my wishes (including this one) will be granted true to my intent and with only my intended consequences.”

Fish who are caught and released are like the aquatic equivalent of people who claim to have been abducted by aliens.

If there’s a “heavens no” and a “hell yea,” why isn’t there a “purgatory perhaps”?

In order to fall asleep, you have to pretend to be asleep.

Your stomach thinks all potato is mashed.

Cars should have two horns: one is a “nice” one, the other is a “mean” one.

Getting birthday money is the real life equivalent of passing ‘go’ and collecting $200.

They should announce a sequel to Groundhog Day and then just re-release the original.

Once you have a PhD, every meeting you go to becomes a doctor’s appointment.

Spacesuits are literally made to protect astronauts from nothing

Most teenagers pull their phones out of their pockets to check the time. We are reverting to the era of pocket watches.

Going to bed because I’m bored is the real life equivalent of advancing the main story because I’m out of side content

What are snails even trying to do?

June is like Friday, July is like Saturday, and august is like Sunday

 

Some rappers basically have us pay them to tell us what extravagant/lavish things they then do with our money.

The two worst sentences you can get are life and death.

If you did something like a boss, you’d probably just pay someone else to do it.

Why do storm troopers wear so much armor even though every time they die on one shot?

If Katniss and Peeta from “Hunger Games” were Hollywood celebrities, their supercouple nickname would either be Katpee or Peeniss.

A group of squid should be called a squad.

 

37 sarcasm jokes to read and enjoy

 

I will be the last person to die in my lifetime.

Horses must be the most farted upon creatures in the whole world.

“Don’t kid yourself” would be a great slogan for an abortion clinic.

Computer labs should flicker its lights every now and then, to remind students to save their work.

I wonder if I am closer to my death or my birth right now.

The word ‘Fat’ just looks like someone took a bite out of the first letter of the word ‘Eat’.

In the last 20 years, I won over $7,300 by not buying a lottery ticket every day.

Somewhere out there, there is a bottle of Caesar salad dressing with an expiration date of march 15th.

If anyone was given the challenge to fall asleep in 10 minutes in exchange for a million dollars, almost everyone would fail miserably.

Childbirth is literally an emergency.

The person who would proof read Hitler’s speeches was a grammar Nazi.

You never notice how much an artist swears until you hear the censored version of their songs

Mars… Is populated entirely by robots!

In a few years, companies might be putting “This product was made by a human” on the label

I can barely keep the same ‘writing voice’ across my university essays and reports, yet Wikipedia, edited by millions, reads like it was written by one person.

Microwaves should have mute buttons.

 

My dog’s memory lives on through my login passwords.

X88B88 looks like the word voodoo reflecting off of itself.

The iconic Alien is to us what we are to apes: small, pale, big headed, and with unfathomable technology. We even abduct them for medical experiments.

The war on drugs probably has more POWs than any actual war.

The word “bitch” is used to describe people of either gender who possess negative traits of the other.

Google earth is good for finding out which of your neighbors has a pool.

Asking someone “where are you” is a recent thing. Before we had mobile phones, the only way we could talk to people is if we knew where they were.

“Squawks” said backwards still sounds the same even though it’s not a palindrome

“Supervision” sounds a lot cooler than it really is.

“Dog food lid” backwards is “dildo of god”

History classes are only going to get longer and harder as time goes on.

You’re too big to ride the dog by the time you’re smart enough to think to ride the dog.

Centaurs have two rib cages.

Chop sticks don’t actually chop anything.

As far as my dog knows, my car is just an animal I climb inside of and disappear with for a few hours each day.

If you had a lot of fat rolls, then tanned, then lost a bunch of weight, you’d look like a tiger.

Aliens invaded the Moon on July 20th, 1969.

If I touch my phone in the right places, a pizza will show up at my front door.

The only reason celebrities always say people should follow their dreams is because they’re part of the small percentage who were actually successful.

Google maps should have a ‘on the way’ feature to find the most convenient gas station, Starbucks, or whatever along the route to your destination.

If we ever colonize another planet how will we determine age?

 

Dating would be so much easier if the hot and cold game occurred while you approach someone.

Kids that were bullied in school probably have the most accurate picture of people’s characters.

The only time I hear the term “powerhouse” is when someone describes Mitochondria.

When our generation ends up in retirement homes. Bingo will be replaced with Smash Bros and Mario Party.

When you’re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you’re an adult, they’re considered immature.

Working in a school, I realize I can’t stand kids that are just like young me.

37 sarcasm jokes to read and enjoy

Teach a man to fish he’ll pay you once, sell a man a fish and he’ll pay you for a lifetime.

Either someone is traveling the country, plucking out pubes, and placing them on the tops of urinals or people are shaking WAY to hard after they pee.

If Bruce Willis dies from Viagra overdose, the headline will read “Bruce Willis Dies Hard.”

I always thought I was a great singer, until I recorded myself singing, and now I know why I am not a recording artist.

Technically, it’s impossible to skip breakfast. The first time you eat during a day is when you “break your fast.”

Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions.

I’m still thinking that the 90’s are just ten years ago

Whenever somebody starts a sentence with “No offense, but…”, someone is about to get offended.

If life is a game, third world children are essentially speed runners

Acquired taste is the Stockholm syndrome of the flavor world.

Netflix should have a rating system that includes, “I hate this, but I want to keep watching it.”

Everything I cook literally turns out to be sh*t.

Team Rocket could make their big bucks just by opening a Pokémon translator with their talking Meowth

Humans have a 16 hour battery life.

 

Everyone actually has 3 voices, the one in your head, the one you hear when you talk and the one that everyone else hears instead.

Mothers only get a day but sharks get a whole week.

The witches from “Sabrina” naming their cat Salem is like a Jewish family naming a cat Auschwitz.

If you hear a collision followed by an “ouch”, it probably wasn’t anything serious.

Most of my clothes have been to countries that I have not.

If people on a planet 65 million light years away look at earth, they see dinosaurs.

A mullet will make you a redneck and also prevent you from getting one.

If toilets/urinals were flushed by a foot pedal, I would be much more inclined to flush every time.

Kevin Spacey gets paid more to pretend to be a politician than real ones get paid to run the country.

If I throw around large amounts of shredded bread on public property, my proximity to ducks determines whether or not I’m littering.

People watch John Wayne and Clint Eastwood movies and comment on how they were real men, but in reality they were grown men putting on costumes and pretending to be cowboys.

Keith urban is a terrible name for a country music singer.

It would make more sense if 3 had the value of 4 because the number 3 looks like half of the number 8.

If the oldest person on earth is 116 years old, then 117 years ago, there was a completely different set of human beings on earth.

When you paint the interior of a house, it gets a little bit smaller. When you paint the exterior, it gets a little bit bigger.

Building a house in a 1:1 scale with Legos is probably more expensive than building a normal one.

The sinking of the Titanic must have been a miracle to the lobsters in the kitchen.

They should mark the last tissues in a box with red lines like they do with receipt paper.

For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home when you were sleeping or drunk. Then we got rid of the horse.

In a span of 70 years we went from riding around with horses pulling us to putting a man on the moon.

With the rise of self-driving cars it’s only a matter of time until law enforcement can pull you over with the click of a button.

If Obama was the president of Kenya, he would be their first white president.

 

As a dishwasher, I come home after hours of work in which I get covered in filth, and I take a shower only to realize…I am the final dish.

Somebody got paid to solve every single math problem in my text book to make sure they were solvable.

We live in a world where food is more expensive when it is the least processed.

When a pregnant woman swims, she is a human submarine.

“Slang” is a colloquial word for “colloquial word.”

Maybe someone tried to kill me last year, failed, and i don’t even know about it.

I have no idea what I’ve forgotten.

Most of the time I shop online just to avoid sales people

A 3G connection makes gifs far more suspenseful

If chess were invented today as a computer game, gamers would all complain that the queen was OP and needed to nerved.

“Flashlight” is a more accurate term for the app on our phones than the original flashlight.

We say “hair” when referring to lots of it but we say “hairs” when referring to a few.

Minivans have sliding doors so children don’t open them into other cars.

Whenever I leave a store without buying something I get nervous that I look suspicious, making me look suspicious.

 

Adblock should buy out signs around time square and replace them with ‘This ad has been blocked by Adblock’.

The real unsung hero in School Of Rock is the promoter who got about 2,000 people to a local Battle Of The Bands on a weekday morning.

Maybe ‘Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?’ isn’t a show that displays how stupid grown adults can be, but rather, a show that depicts how

much useless information we teach grade schoolers that won’t be retained later in life.

I wish I had a Mario kart-like ghost of myself punctually getting ready for work in the morning so I’d know if I was running late.

The Titanic’s pools are still filled with water.

Seeing as how both Batman and Ironman’s only real super powers are that they are super rich and very smart, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs sure turned out to be disappointments.

If Homer Simpson were a Democratic congressman from Springfield, Ohio, he’d be “Homer Simpson (D-OH).

Can Chewbacca even say “Chewbacca”? Shouldn’t his name be something like “rawwwraaraar”?

I wonder what my dog named me?

If I had a prize for the millionth visitor to my site, nobody would claim it.

If you’re no longer covered by your parent’s health insurance, your manufacturer’s warranty is over.

If you would mount garbage trucks with camera’s you could weekly update google maps street view.

I didn’t exist in your world until you started reading this sentence of mine.

37 sarcasm jokes to read and enjoy

 

Me not being able to watch “The Interview” is the first real time I’ve ever directly been affected by North Korea.

During childhood, we are told that jokes about the genital areas are adult content, but once we become adults, these jokes are considered ‘childish’.

The Google self-driving car should have an “I’m Feeling Lucky” button that drives you to a random location.

What if every country has ninjas, but we only know about the Japanese ones because they’re rubbish?

Gorillas don’t know any bodybuilding techniques so we have probably never seen one at full potential.

What if the Egyptians didn’t actually revere cats, but only jokingly did like we do on the internet?

Apple has ‘air.’ Amazon has ‘fire.’ Google has ‘earth.’ I think Microsoft should create something called ‘water.’

If two people on opposite sides of the world each drop a piece of bread, the earth briefly becomes a sandwich.

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super rad if you don’t know what either of those things are.

“Go to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning” is the human version of “Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?”

A crush is called a crush because he/she will most likely crush your feelings

Hope you loved 37 sarcasm jokes to use in handling tense moments in your life.

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